The Influence of Parenting Styles on Attachment Styles

Written by Stephanie Underwood, RSW

Parenting Styles and Attachment

Attachment styles don’t develop in a vacuum. They are deeply influenced by how we are parented. Over the past several decades, societal changes have shaped not just parenting philosophies but also the emotional bonds children form with their caregivers. These influences extend beyond infancy and impact a child’s entire upbringing. Societal pressures, culture, and exposure to adverse events in childhood all contribute to a child’s attachment health.

From the strict authoritarian style common among Baby Boomer parents to the highly involved helicopter parenting of today, each generation’s approach has left a distinct mark on how secure or insecure we feel in our relationships.

In this post, we’ll explore parenting styles and attachment - Particularly how parenting styles over the years have influenced attachment trends and why understanding these shifts matters more than ever.

The Authoritarian Parenting Era: Shaping Avoidant and Anxious Attachment

If you were born in the 1950s or 60s, chances are your parents practiced an authoritarian style of parenting. This approach emphasized strict rules, unquestioned obedience, and emotional toughness. Expressing emotions was often discouraged, and parental warmth sometimes took a back seat to maintaining order and discipline. Many parents of that era struggled to connect with their children on an emotional level, leaving their children’s emotional needs unmet.

A common pattern was fathers who were devoted to work and providing for the family but emotionally unavailable at home. Mothers, in contrast, often struggled with emotional dysregulation, displaying fluctuating moods that left children uncertain and questioning their own role in their parent’s distress. This climate often stifled emotional expression and left many children feeling unsupported.

Research by Diana Baumrind (1966) highlights how authoritarian parenting, while intending to prepare children for a harsh world, often led to the development of insecure attachment patterns. Many children raised in this environment learned to suppress their emotional needs to avoid punishment or disapproval. As adults, this often shows up as avoidant attachment, struggling with emotional intimacy, feeling uncomfortable with vulnerability, or highly valuing independence at the expense of connection. Others, particularly children who faced unpredictable emotional availability from their caregivers, developed anxious attachment styles, characterized by fear of abandonment, heightened sensitivity to rejection, and a tendency to seek validation from others. For those in chaotic home environments, some developed the Fearful-Avoidant Attachment style, which is a combination of the Anxious and Avoidant Attachment.

The Rise of Helicopter Parenting: New Pressures, New Attachments

Fast forward to the 1990s and beyond, and parenting trends shifted dramatically. In response to increasing societal pressures, academic competition, economic uncertainty, and safety concerns, many parents became highly involved in their children’s lives.

Today, newer generations are often raised with high parental involvement, monitoring, and protection. This "helicopter parenting" approach, while rooted in love and protection, often involves monitoring every decision, solving every problem, and smoothing every obstacle. Many parents find themselves overcompensating for what they may not have received in their childhood. If they grew up without emotional support, they are now doubling down on giving this to their children, sometimes to the point of stifling independence.

Both of these extremes, from Authoritative to Helicopter parenting, though vastly different in approaches, have contributed to significant shifts in attachment patterns over time.

If you’re a parent today, you might recognize the pressure to ensure your child’s success and happiness at all costs. However, research (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011) shows that excessive involvement can inadvertently limit a child’s development of resilience, autonomy, and emotional regulation. Children raised by helicopter parents have a fairly significant chance of developing an anxious attachment, feeling less confident in their own abilities and more reliant on external validation to feel secure.

Unlike the emotional distance fostered by authoritarian parenting, helicopter parenting often creates a different kind of insecurity, one rooted in dependency and self-doubt.

Attachment Trends Over Time: What We’re Seeing Today

As a result of these generational parenting shifts, attachment trends today look quite different than they did fifty years ago. Earlier studies estimated that around 50–60% of individuals exhibited secure attachment patterns (Mickelson, Kessler, & Shaver, 1997). However, more recent insights suggest that rates of secure attachment have been declining.

Modern life, with its increased pressures, changing family dynamics, and digital influences, appears to be contributing to a rise in insecure attachment patterns, particularly anxious and avoidant styles. Many adults today struggle with either intense fears of abandonment or difficulty trusting and depending on others, patterns rooted, in part, in how early parenting shaped emotional development.

At the same time, there’s a positive trend emerging: greater awareness. More people are learning about attachment, seeking therapy, and working actively to heal old wounds. The concept of "earned secure attachment," developing secure patterns later in life through reflection and growth, is becoming more widely understood and embraced.

Understanding Your Attachment Style

Understanding your attachment style is crucial for personal growth. It allows you to identify patterns in your relationships and emotional responses. By recognizing how your upbringing has influenced your attachment style, you can take steps to foster healthier connections.

Consider reflecting on your past experiences. How did your parents handle emotions? Did they encourage open communication, or were feelings often dismissed? This reflection can provide valuable insights into your current relationship dynamics.

Additionally, engaging in therapy can be a powerful tool for understanding and reshaping your attachment style. A professional can guide you through the process, helping you explore your past and develop healthier emotional responses.

Why This Matters

Understanding how parenting styles have shaped attachment trends helps you become more conscious of your own emotional patterns and the patterns you may be passing down. Awareness empowers you to make more intentional choices, whether you’re raising children, navigating romantic relationships, or simply working toward healthier emotional security within yourself.

By recognizing the impact of past parenting philosophies, you can break cycles of emotional insecurity, foster resilience, and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships across generations.

Conclusion

Parenting has always been a reflection of the times, shaped by societal expectations, economic pressures, and cultural norms. Yet, whether through strict discipline or excessive protection, each parenting trend has left its imprint on how secure or insecure we feel within ourselves and with others.

The good news is that attachment is not fixed. Through self-awareness, intentional parenting, and emotional healing, it’s possible to move toward secure attachment, no matter where you started. By learning from the past, reflecting on current trends, and consciously nurturing emotional resilience and independence, we can build a future rooted in trust, connection, and authentic security.

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References

Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887–907. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126611

LeMoyne, T., & Buchanan, T. (2011). Does "hovering" matter? Helicopter parenting and its effect on well-being. Sociological Spectrum, 31(4), 399–418. https://doi.org/10.1080/02732173.2011.574037

Mickelson, K. D., Kessler, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (1997). Adult attachment in a nationally representative sample. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(5), 1092–1106. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.73.5.1092