Uncover Your Attachment Style Today
- Stephanie Underwood, RSW
- Jan 1
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 2
Written by Stephanie Underwood RSW
Listen to the Audio version of this blog article:
Understanding how your early experiences shape your adult relationships and emotional responses is a powerful step toward healing and growth.
Attachment styles, formed in childhood, influence how you connect with others, regulate emotions, and respond to stress or trauma. This blog post will guide you through the essentials of attachment styles, how to identify yours with an attachment style test, and practical ways to improve your emotional well-being and relationships.
Why Uncovering Your Attachment Style Matters Taking an Attachment Style Test Matters
Attachment styles are patterns of relating to others that develop from early interactions with caregivers. These patterns often persist into adulthood, affecting romantic relationships, friendships, and even your relationship with yourself. Knowing your attachment style can:
Help you understand your emotional triggers and reactions.
Improve your communication and intimacy in relationships.
Guide you in managing emotional dysregulation and nervous system responses.
Support healing from relational trauma and betrayal trauma.
For example, someone with an anxious attachment style might feel overwhelmed by fears of abandonment, leading to clingy or controlling behaviors. Recognizing this pattern allows them to work on self-soothing techniques and build secure connections.
Taking an attachment style quiz is a practical first step. It provides insight into your unique attachment pattern and opens the door to targeted healing strategies.
How Attachment Styles Influence Your Emotional and Nervous System Regulation
Attachment styles are deeply connected to how your nervous system responds to stress and emotional challenges. When your attachment needs are unmet or disrupted, your nervous system can become dysregulated, leading to symptoms like anxiety, emotional flooding, or withdrawal.
Here’s how different attachment styles typically relate to nervous system regulation:
Secure attachment: Generally balanced nervous system responses, able to self-soothe and seek support when needed.
Anxious attachment: Heightened nervous system arousal, often feeling on edge or hypervigilant to signs of rejection.
Avoidant attachment: Tendency to shut down or dissociate emotionally, suppressing feelings to maintain control.
Disorganized attachment: Fluctuates between hyperarousal and shutdown, often linked to trauma or betrayal trauma.
Understanding your attachment style helps you recognize these patterns in your body and mind. For instance, if you notice your heart racing or feeling frozen during conflict, this might be your nervous system reacting based on your attachment history.
Practical tools to regulate your nervous system include:
Mindful breathing exercises
Grounding techniques like feeling your feet on the floor
Progressive muscle relaxation
Safe, supportive therapy relationships
These strategies help you build resilience and emotional balance, regardless of your attachment style.
What are the 4 Types of Attachment Styles Quiz?
The four main adult attachment styles are:
Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They trust others and communicate their needs effectively. This style often results from consistent, responsive caregiving in childhood.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
Individuals with this style crave closeness but fear abandonment. They may become overly dependent or worry excessively about their partner’s commitment. This often stems from inconsistent caregiving.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
Those with avoidant attachment value independence to the point of emotional distance. They may suppress feelings and avoid intimacy, often due to early experiences of rejection or neglect.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment
This style combines anxiety and avoidance. People may desire connection but also fear it, leading to confusing or erratic relationship patterns. It is frequently linked to trauma or betrayal trauma.
Taking an attachment style questionnaire can help you identify which category fits you best. This knowledge is crucial for tailoring your healing journey and improving your relational patterns.
How Trauma and Betrayal Trauma Impact Attachment Styles
Trauma, especially relational trauma and betrayal trauma, can profoundly disrupt attachment patterns. Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you depend on for safety and care violates that trust, such as through abuse, neglect, or infidelity.
This kind of trauma can:
Create disorganized attachment, where your nervous system struggles to find safety.
Lead to hypervigilance or emotional numbing.
Affect your ability to trust and form secure relationships.
Trigger symptoms of Complex PTSD (CPTSD), including emotional dysregulation and difficulty with self-soothing.
Healing from trauma involves more than just understanding your attachment style. It requires compassionate self-awareness and often professional support to rewire your nervous system and build new relational experiences.
Some actionable steps include:
Seeking trauma-informed therapy or counselling.
Practicing self-compassion and patience.
Building a support network of safe, trustworthy people.
Learning and applying nervous system regulation techniques.
Healing narratives counselling services specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate these challenges, especially in regions like Quebec, Ontario, and Alberta.
Practical Tips to Manage Emotions Based on Your Attachment Style
Once you know your attachment style, you can start applying specific strategies to improve your emotional health and relationships.
For Secure Attachment
Maintain your healthy boundaries.
Continue practicing open communication.
Support others in their emotional growth.
For Anxious Attachment
Practice mindfulness to reduce anxiety.
Use grounding techniques when feeling overwhelmed.
Challenge negative thoughts about abandonment.
Communicate your needs clearly without fear.
For Avoidant Attachment
Allow yourself to experience vulnerability gradually.
Practice expressing emotions in safe settings.
Challenge beliefs that intimacy is dangerous.
Seek connection even when it feels uncomfortable.
For Disorganized Attachment
Prioritize safety and stability in relationships.
Work with a trauma-informed therapist.
Use nervous system regulation tools consistently.
Develop a daily routine that supports emotional balance.
Remember, attachment styles are not fixed. With awareness and effort, you can move toward a more secure way of relating to yourself and others.
Understanding your attachment style through an attachment style test is a transformative step toward emotional freedom and healthier relationships. By recognizing how your early experiences shape your present, you empower yourself to heal, regulate your emotions, and build meaningful connections.
If you want to explore your attachment style further, consider taking this attachment style quiz to start your journey today. Healing is possible, and your past does not have to define your future.
Free Attachment Questionnaire
There are thousands of attachment style questionnaires available online. However, If you’re looking for a free attachment questionnaire, I highly recommend Dr. Diane Heller’s questionnaire
Dr. Heller’s questionnaire is thorough, evidence-based, and also provides you with an extensive explanation of your questionnaire results. You can even access a PDF of your results once you’ve completed the questionnaire.
Attachment Style Questionnaire:
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