Hyperactivating Strategies of the Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment: A Complete List

Written by Stephanie Underwood, RSW

KEY POINTS

• Hyperactivating strategies are behaviours used by individuals with an Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment style (also refered to as the Anxious Attachment) to seek connection and assurance from their partners.

• Not everyone who exhibits the Anxious-Ambivalent attachment will employ the same Hyperactivating strategies, nor will these strategies manifest with the same intensity.

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The Anxious Attachment's Hyperactivating Strategies

In the world of attachment theory, understanding the differences between the behaviours of attachment styles can be both enlightening and empowering.

The Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment style, in particular, holds a blend of emotions and behaviours that often manifest through what are known as Hyperactivating Strategies. These strategies are characterized by intense efforts to seek connection and assurance, but they can sometimes create challenges in relationships.

Whether you identify with this attachment style or want to understand a loved one better, this post will provide valuable insights and clarity.

It's important to recognize that attachment exists on a spectrum, and individual experiences and behaviors can vary widely. Not everyone who exhibits an Anxious-Ambivalent attachment will employ the same hyperactivating strategies, nor will these strategies manifest with the same intensity. People are unique, and their attachment styles can be influenced by a myriad of factors. Therefore, the information presented here may not apply universally and should be considered as a general guideline rather than a strict rule for every individual.

What is a Hyperactivating Strategy?

The Anxious Attachment Hyperactivating strategies are typically associated with the anxious attachment style. These strategies revolve around heightening one’s attachment needs, seeking closeness, and emphasizing dependence in an effort to gain reassurance, attention, or connection.

Like the deactivating strategies, these Hyperactivating strategies can be understood as coping mechanisms that individuals with anxious attachment tendencies employ to manage their intense fears and desires related to intimacy and relationships.

It’s important to note that these behaviours are not intentional for the majority of anxiously attached individuals. Of course, when we begin to actually work on healing our wounds, we become aware of our patterns of behaviour. Becoming aware does come with a higher level of responsibility because you cannot unsee what you now know, and you become responsible for the behaviours that you are aware of.

Here is a list of Hyperactivating strategies utilized by those with an anxious attachment:

Clinginess

A fear of abandonment might lead to excessively seeking closeness or assurance, and may create anxiety when we perceive that our partner might be pulling away.

Seeking Constant Reassurance

Repeatedly asking for validation due to fears of not being loved or wanted.

Mourning Past Hurts

Holding onto past disappointments or betrayals and bringing them up frequently to gain comfort or attention.

Over-emphasizing Emotional Pain

May focus on and amplify emotional distress to gain care and comfort.

Blame and Accusation

Confronting the partner frequently with perceived slights or neglect.

Demanding Immediate Resolution

An insistence on resolving issues immediately, sometimes at the expense of the partner’s needs or boundaries.

“Checking Behaviour”

Frequently checking on the partner’s whereabouts, activities, or feelings. For example, checking a partner’s phone for any “clues” that they might be hiding something.

Over-interpretation | Hypervigilance

Reading too deeply into the partner’s actions or words, often with a negative spin.

The Anxiously Attached individual is typically quite hypervigilant. They are able to immediately pick up on another person’s mood. This stems from growing in a home where they were made to feel responsible for their parents’ moods.

Seeking Validation for Self-Worth

Looking to the partner to constantly validate self-worth due to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.

Over-apologizing

Repeatedly apologizing for perceived faults or shortcomings, seeking reassurance.

Elevating Relationship Status

Seeking public affirmations, displays of affection, or declarations about the relationship’s importance.

Creating ‘Tests’ for the Partner

Setting up situations to see if the partner “passes” as a way to validate the depth of their commitment or love.

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If any of these Hyperactivating strategies resonate with you, you might have an Anxious Attachment. If you’d like to find out why your attachment style is, I highly recommend Dr. Diane Poole’s Attachment Questionnaire which provides you with a thorough overview of your attachment style upon completion of the questionnaire.