The Ultimate Guide to Authentic Living

Written by Stephanie Underwood, RSW

What is Authenticity?

It’s a bit of a catch phrase, isn’t it? “Just live your most authentic life.” I mean, it sounds nice. But what does it even mean?

To put it simply, your most authentic self is who you are without your core negative beliefs (also known as Schemas) guiding your every day decisions. It’s who you are when you’re not afraid of saying no to the people around you. It’s the version of you that doesn’t people-please to be liked or to feel a sense of belonging.

Authenticity is the pursuit of being our true selves, both with others and within our own personal reflections. Authenticity means aligning with our core values and beliefs, irrespective of external opinions or criticisms. It involves self-awareness, but also bravery to be vulnerable in our interactions, accepting the risk of judgment.

Characteristics of Authentic Living

Authentic individuals consistently:

• Stay True to Themselves: They live in accordance with their personal values and beliefs.

• Avoid Pleasing Others: Authentic people don’t focus on being liked; they focus on being genuine.

• Take Accountability: They own their actions and the outcomes of those actions.

• Practice Non-judgment: Authentic individuals approach others with openness and understanding.

• Engage in Self-reflection: They continuously seek to understand and improve themselves.

• Express Themselves Freely: They unapologetically share their thoughts and beliefs.

• Recognize Their Worth: They advocate for themselves and others without hesitation.

The Psychology of Authenticity

From a young age, many of us learn to compromise our authenticity to feel safe. For example, a child might learn that being their true self attracts criticism or rejection, leading them to adopt a figurative mask. This mask, whether it’s people-pleasing or adopting a safer persona, serves as a shield against negative social consequences like rejection or judgment.

Understanding Schemas

To embrace authenticity, we must first identify and understand the schemas, deep-seated patterns and beliefs, that live deep within us. These schemas often stem from childhood and are shaped by our primary caregivers and childhood experiences. For instance, a child discouraged from wearing a pirate outfit to school because it's deemed inappropriate might internalize the importance of appearance over individual expression. Schemas are not just beliefs but frameworks that influence how we interpret the world and interact with it throughout our lives.

Examples of Negative Core Beliefs (Schemas)

Negative core beliefs are often deeply ingrained assumptions about ourselves and the world that can significantly hinder our authenticity. These beliefs Common examples include beliefs such as "I am not good enough," "I must be perfect to be accepted," or "My needs are not important." These beliefs can lead to behaviours like constant self-criticism, avoiding challenges for fear of failure, or putting others' needs before our own, which prevents genuine self-expression. Recognizing these beliefs is crucial as they often dictate our reactions and choices subconsciously. By identifying and challenging these negative core beliefs, we can start to dismantle the barriers they create in our relationships and personal growth, paving the way for a more authentic life.

Rediscovering and Living Authentically

These negative core beliefs, such as feeling unworthy or fearing judgment, are not realities but distortions that cloud our perception of ourselves and others. They create a barrier that keeps us from our true selves; the selves we were before these beliefs took root. By identifying, challenging, and replacing these false beliefs with truthful, affirming ones, we start aligning more closely with our authentic selves. This process of dismantling old beliefs and cultivating new, accurate ones about our worth and capabilities allows us to live more genuinely. Living authentically is not just about unlearning these detrimental patterns; it's about rediscovering and asserting who we were always meant to be before the world told us otherwise. This journey promises a life of greater fulfillment and happiness, as we learn to navigate our path with confidence and truth.

Invitation to Reflect: Self Reflection Journaling Prompts

Consider your relationship with your authentic self.

Reflect on the outcomes present in your life and how they are shaped by your early experiences. Think about your interactions with others and how your learned schemas influence these relationships.

Becoming aware of our internal schemas and how they affect our perceptions and behaviours allows us to see the world through a more authentic lens. Living authentically is a personal journey, one that promises greater fulfillment and happiness.

Stephanie Underwood RSW. Registered Social Worker